When to Quit Your Job: Questions to Ask Yourself First
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The Top 3 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
A 3-step guide to stop comparing yourself to others at work
This is part of a series about careers and professional development
Innovation Insights [DB]
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The Best Way to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
Comparing yourself to others at work is a draining habit.
You see a colleague’s big win on LinkedIn or hear about their promotion, and you immediately feel small in comparison. If you fail to break this cycle, you risk constant insecurity and making career choices based on others' paths. But if you succeed, you can build genuine confidence and focus your energy on the unique value only you can create.
The Triggers: Why It’s So Hard to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
The Conversational Trigger
This is the instant mental scoreboard that pops up when a coworker shares a win. It unfairly pits their highlight reel against your everyday work, making you feel like you are falling behind.
The Performance Trigger
This is the feeling that a coworker’s promotion or successful project somehow diminishes your own worth. If they are winning at one thing, your brain incorrectly assumes you must be losing.
The Social Trigger
This is the curated perfection you see on professional networks like LinkedIn. Seeing a constant stream of wins from your peers can create a distorted view of success and trigger feelings of inadequacy.
Lesson 1: Define Your Own Path to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
What This Is
This is a proactive strategy. It’s about creating your own "Internal Scorecard" based on what energizes you, not what impresses others, so their success is no longer your measure.
Why It Matters
This shifts your motivation from external competition to your own intrinsic goals. You are on your own path; this reminds you that their scorecard does not apply to you.
How to Use It
Use your Internal Scorecard, a personal blueprint for your definition of success. The most important action is to connect your unique strengths to your core values, creating a comparison-proof career compass.
- Identify 2-3 Core Values: What energizes you? (e.g., Innovation, Autonomy, Social Impact).
- Find Your Unique Strengths Intersection: List combinations of skills that serve those values. For example: "My ability to ask sharp questions, combined with my experience launching new products, allows me to create clarity from chaos (serving my value of Innovation)."
- List Evidence: Note accomplishments that prove your unique strengths in action (e.g., helping a CEO with a seven-figure raise, launching a six-figure product).
Examples (Toggle for more)
- Less Productive: Maria sees on LinkedIn that her former colleague Ben just closed a huge enterprise deal. She immediately feels behind in her career because she hasn't closed a deal that big, and she spends the afternoon feeling demotivated and distracted.
- More Productive: When Maria sees Ben’s post, she first consults her Internal Scorecard. She reminds herself, "My path is about my core value of Innovation—creating new things from scratch. Ben's path is about scale." She feels no sting, because she's playing a different game, one she defined for herself.
Lesson 2: Reframe the Moment to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
What This Is
This is a conversational technique for when comparison is triggered by a coworker in the moment. You acknowledge their success and then frame your own process of professional development.
Why It Matters
This transforms a moment of internal comparison into an act of external connection. It builds a peer-level relationship and short-circuits the feeling of being "less than."
How to Use It
Use your Connection Script, a simple two-part phrase. Caution: This is a powerful tool. Share this only if you feel the risks are low or this is someone you can trust.
- Start with a neutral observation: "That's a very direct way of sharing your results. I admire the clarity."
- Share your own process: "I'm still refining my own style for talking about my accomplishments."
Examples (Toggle for more)
- Less Productive: Ben mentions his big client win in a meeting. Feeling the need to prove herself, Maria jumps in and says, "Well, my new product build is about to hit its first revenue goal, which is really hard to do from scratch." The conversation becomes tense.
- More Productive: Ben mentions his client win. Maria, grounded by her Internal Scorecard, uses her Connection Script. She says, "That's a very direct way of sharing your results. I'm still refining my own style for talking about my accomplishments." The statement is confident and neutral, connecting with him without competing.
Lesson 3: Turn Comparison into Learning to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
What This Is
This strategy turns the passive act of comparison into the active process of learning. You will ask a genuine question about their process, strategy, or learnings.
Why It Matters
Curiosity is the antidote to comparison. It shifts your brain from a threatened, "less than" state to an open, collaborative one, turning their success into a free lesson for you.
How to Use It
Use your Curiosity Prompt Pack, a set of open-ended questions. The most important action is to listen to their answer with the goal of gaining insight, not to measure yourself against them.
- "What was the most important lever you used to get there?"
- "What was the most unexpected challenge you ran into?"
- "If you were to do it all over again, what would you do differently?"
Examples (Toggle for more)
- Less Productive: Ben finishes talking about his client. Maria just nods and says, "Wow, that's great," while internally comparing her own project's metrics. The conversation dies, and Maria is left feeling insecure.
- More Productive: After using her Connection Script, Maria uses a question from her Curiosity Prompt Pack. She asks, "What was the most unexpected challenge you ran into with their legal team?" Comparison stops, learning begins, and Maria gains a valuable insight for her own work.
Your Toolkit to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
The Comparison Response Plan. This is your high-level action plan that contains the other tools. It’s a simple three-step guide to stop the habit of comparing yourself to others at work.
- Internal Scorecard: This is your personal blueprint for success, connecting your values to your unique strengths. It is important because it grounds you in your own path so others' success doesn't throw you off course.
- Connection Script: This is a two-part phrase you can use to connect instead of compare in conversations. It is important because it builds peer relationships and defuses insecurity.
- Curiosity Prompt Pack: This is your list of go-to questions to learn from others' success. It is important because it actively turns a moment of comparison into an opportunity for growth.
FAQ to Help You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work
Why not just ignore the accomplishments of others?
Ignoring them is a short-term fix, but it doesn't solve the internal habit of comparison. These strategies are designed to resolve the root cause, allowing you to be around successful people without feeling diminished by it.
Is this the same as imposter syndrome?
They are related but different. Imposter syndrome is the internal feeling that you are a fraud who will be found out. Comparison is the external habit of measuring your worth against others. Often, comparison can fuel imposter syndrome.
How long does it take to stop comparing yourself?
It's a practice, not a one-time fix. By consistently using your Internal Scorecard and choosing curiosity, you will retrain your brain over time. The goal is progress, not instant perfection.
When should I not use the connection strategy?
If you are in a psychologically unsafe environment or the other person has a history of using information against others, it is wiser to stick with the curiosity strategy. Connection requires a baseline of trust.
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